Angry or Hurt? Which Would You Be?

Have you seen Silver Linings Playbook, yet?  I would LOVE to hear what you thought of it.  I totally enjoyed it.  I smiled that goofy smile that you smile when something makes you REALLY happy.  I laughed out loud.  No, seriously, I LAUGHED OUT LOUD.  I also tried to hide the fact that I was sobbing like crazy from my husband – who I happened to be on a date with that night.

If you haven’t seen the movie . . . you really really should!

Now I’m going to give you a little bit of a spoiler – but I don’t consider it a REAL spoiler because I’m pretty sure they show it in one of the trailers for the movie.  If I don’t tell you about it, though, the rest of this post won’t have a place to start.  So, here it goes.

Bradley Cooper’s character, Pat, ends up in a mental institution serving a court appointed sentence (maybe that’s the wrong word but you understand) because he pleads insanity as his defense after he beats the crap out of a guy he finds in the shower with his wife one afternoon when he comes home early from work.  That’s what causes his “break-down” in the movie.  That’s what makes his world fall apart.

So, on the way home, Jerry and I started talking about what our reactions would be if we found the other one in the shower with someone else . . . presumably of the opposite sex.

Jerry believes that his reaction would be very similar to Pat’s reaction.  I don’t doubt it one bit.  I could see him “losing it” and someone being seriously hurt when all was said and done.  When men are “betrayed” their first reaction is often anger . . .

My reaction wouldn’t be the same.  I’ve never been like Snookie or J-Wow (it is J-Wow, right?) on Jersey Shore.  I could never imagine myself getting violent even in that situation.  What would I do?  I’d probably get as far away as I possibly could and cry.  When women are “betrayed” their first reaction is often hurt . . .

We went even further to talk about what we would do afterwards . . . how we would feel.  Jerry said he would be angry for a long time.  He wasn’t sure he would be able to forgive me.  I said I would be sad for a long time and that I would want to know what I did wrong.  Why?

I did a little research and discovered these 4 reasons that makes it easy for me to understand:

Women never put themselves first.  We take care of our husbands and children.  They would fall apart without us (or at least that’s what we think).

Women worry about things they can’t even control.  I worry about the weather.  I worry about what someone else might say.  I worry about if people like me or my family.  I worry too much.

Women believe that saying “no” isn’t loving.  I like to make people happy.  I like them to know that I appreciate them and that they are important to me.  I feel like saying “no” is like saying, “I don’t like you” and that isn’t true.  I’m not sure how I can get past that but I know it’s not good for me.

Women tend to reflect and analyze actions more.  I do this ALL the time.  I will look at my Dad and say, “What’s wrong?” because he has a “look” on his face.  It drives him NUTS.  Once, he responded a little bit “snippy” with – “Quit asking me” so I, of course, assumed it was me.  I was way more upset than I should have been.

I’m not saying that ALL women do ALL of these things.  I’m sure there are even women out there who don’t do ANY of these things.  However, if you feel guilty a lot . . . it could be because you do some or most of these things.

For the most part, Jerry and I are EXTREMELY happy.  The problems we have aren’t anything that we can’t handle together and neither one of us has any plans on taking showers with anyone else (besides each other . . . maybe).  That isn’t to say that we don’t still have our moments.

kiss and make up

When we do have those days we react in a fairly textbook ways.  He gets mad and I get sad.  We don’t talk until I can’t take it anymore (I ALWAYS “cave” first) and then I end up crying and he ends up saying he’s sorry.  Then . . . we are fine.

I’ll take that.

How would you react?  Seriously, what would you do if you found your significant other in the shower with someone else when you came home early?  Would you have to plead insanity when all was said and done?

Let us know or just let us know what you thought of the movie, if you saw it.  It was honestly one of the best I’ve seen in a while!

Until Next Time,

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Comments

  1. says

    I have no stinkin’ idea. I’d probably be in shock. I don’t think I would get violent. I’d probably yell a lot, freak out a little, and then in true Julie fashion – shut down. Just block myself from him emotionally until I could figure out how to either forgive him or get my revenge. :P Nah. I wouldn’t get revenge really, though I’d want to.

  2. Heather May says

    Yikes…..i would go domestic violence on him for sure….wish i could say i would react better but nope! i am an immediate gratification person….revenge is nice but takes too long. I am hosting today at my site http://www.frugalfitfamily.com – swing by and share if you can!

  3. Stephanie says

    I totally agree that this was one of the best movies I’ve seen in a LONG time! I LOVED it! As for my reaction? I always experience anger first, even if I’m terrified, sad, etc. I think it’s the Italian in me…at least that’s what my dad says ;) So, I would more than likely flip my shiz as per usual, and then find a trillion reasons to blame myself. Oh, I would also attack whomever was in the shower with my husband, but leave the hubs in tact for the sake of the kids.

  4. says

    I think I would be more like you on this. Definitely would be hurt and crying. Probably would scream and yell a bit too, but don’t think I could get violent. Thanks for sharing about this movie and now you have left me wanting to see it for myself!!

  5. Kat Biggie says

    The movie looks great! haven’t seen it. You are totally describing me with those four points. I think I would go crazy and burn his clothes or go crash his car!!! or probably just cry and scream alot.

  6. says

    Honestly, I feel asleep during the movie, but I think my reaction would probably be like yours. I tend to get sad more than mad, and usually end up blaming myself too.

  7. says

    I want to see the movie really bad! I’ve been waiting for it to come out :) And are you like my long lost sister or something?? I do all the same things that you described yourself doing.. I guess maybe it’s just a woman thing :)

  8. says

    Revenge . . . Made me think of the movie Major League when what’s his face’s wife sleeps with Charlie Sheen just to “get back” at him. :) I don’t think I could do revenge either – after all . . . then I’d have nothing to hold over his head for the rest of his live. Not that I would do that. Or maybe I would. Either way I COULD if I wanted to!

  9. says

    We will definitely swing by! Thanks for your response – I think A LOT of people would also have that reaction. It’s almost too horrible to really try to picture!!! I felt really bad for Pat in the movie and heck, I wanted to beat the crap out of the guy in the shower.

  10. says

    You know . . . I started to think about if WHO was in the shower would make a difference or not. For example, if it was a total stranger then I would probably be more inclined to blame my husband and feel hurt. However, if it was someone I knew or was friends with then I may have to kick their behind. :)

  11. says

    Oh you should go see it ASAP! It was awesome! I am a big Bradley Cooper fan to begin with and by the end of the movie I was even more “in-love” with him!!! He’s like my new Tom Cruise. . . who I only ever really loved in Jerry McGuire.

  12. says

    Yeah . . . First reaction would probably be to run and cry but then I’m sure the anger would hit me and there would possibly be a fire or baseball bat to the windshield involved. I’d love to see him try to press charges, too! :)

  13. says

    Go see it! Really – awesome movie and I’d love to go see it again! :) And it has to be a woman thing because my husband (and most other men I know) don’t over think things EVER . . . and almost always does what HE needs to do before asking me what I need help with. It’s annoying but I guess all part of the give/take of marriage. I probably would complain if he did things anyway – he always finds a way to do it just wrong enough for me to ask him NOT to do it again. (Obviously, he’s smarter than I give him credit for!)

  14. Daily Dose of Damn says

    I saw the movie and thought it was fantastic! The acting was phenomenal and, while it was about a serious underlying (or not-so underlying) issue, they made it hilarious. It was sad, happy, funny and heartbreaking all at the same time. I think if I found my boyfriend in the shower with someone else I would absolutely retreat. I’d be 100% girl about this and go cry somewhere (and perhaps quietly plot my revenge ;))

  15. says

    I couldn’t agree more with how awesome they did presenting mental illness as something that ANYONE could have. They really made it something everyone could relate to and not something that seemed so far fetched or isolated. (I hope that makes sense). :) .

  16. says

    I hadn’t heard about it until one of my coworkers brought up an interview she had seen with the actors about it at lunch one day. I came home and “googled it” and then HAD to see it! :) I totally recommend it! Great story and excellent acting!!!

  17. lablover22 says

    It’s funny that you mentioned this becuase me and The Hubs had this conversation before. And I have to say that every man I have asked (and there’s been at least 10) have said that after the initial reaction of anger, they would not be able to move past it and work things out. If their spouse cheated, it would be over. However, every single one of the wives except ONE that go with these men, said they’d be devestate but would want to go to therapy and figure out how to trust their husband again. Not only is it interesting that the men couldn’t fogive, but what about the women’s reactions? We would want to learn to trust again- therefore making reconciliation a job for them rather than the man proving that he is trustworthy. Isn’t that crazy?
    Vicky
    http://www.thepursuitofnormal.blogspot.com

  18. Melissa @ Completely Eclipsed says

    My husband and I had the exact same discussion. I definitely agree with the men get angry and the women get hurt. But I couldn’t see my husband attacking someone…I feel like his anger would be directed at me (not in violence of course). I honestly don’t know what I would do, but I could definitely see how that could break someone apart.

    Stopping by from SITS

  19. 4TamaraEden4 says

    I love, love, love that movie! It’s hard to imagine what I’d do in that scenario since it’s not usually within my reach of thinking, but I think hurt/nausesated/disgusted/shocked would be the initial reaction and then anger would soon follow.

  20. says

    I agree with it being crazy but also true. I don’t understand it at all, though. I wonder if it has to do with our competitiveness towards each other. I can imagine subconsciously a lot of women thinking that they are not going to “lose” their husband to another woman . . . when a lot of the time he doesn’t deserve to her.

    Know what I mean?

  21. says

    Thanks for stopping by, Melissa! I guess if I think about it I could probably see broken mirrors in our house more than broken noses and I know for a fact that my husband wouldn’t raise his hand to me.

    We just started with SITS and are LOVING all that we are learning! :)

  22. says

    I recommend that movie to everyone because of the awesome acting! :)

    Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment! :) It would be kind of funny if I got nauseated (which I could see happening) and puked on them . . . but only in retrospect. I’m sure at the time it would be devastating.

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